Life is interesting.
I know there is a purpose but sometimes I just get confused.
Is the purpose to be so exhausted that you can't enjoy a minute of your day? Too often I lay my head down on my pillow wishing I could do it over again. Wishing that I had stopped longer to listen to my daughter, to comfort the one throwing the fit, to just stop. I fear that the day will come too soon when its too late and my kids won't want to talk to me. I feel like I'm failing. Honestly. But I'm just so tired.
I know where I fall short. I know I need to prioritize good, better, best. I know I need to just be grateful for my many blessings. But gosh. In the hustle and bustle, I honestly don't know how.
Tonight I have a gazillion things to do but I'm spending my time baking a birthday cake and decorating because our little Sydney needs to know that she is important. The problem is she has been a terror the past couple of days, and has come out of her bed about 20 times. I can't even make her cake because she's being so needy. I read her books, carried her back to bed, gave her some attention and still she persists. Its the things like this that drive me crazy, I want to scream, "I'm doing this for you and don't want to anymore because you're driving me up the wall and I don't feel like you deserve any of it!!!!"
But tomorrow will be her day and I've never been more grateful for Birthdays. A day to spoil and focus on just one.
And there are my ramblings for tonight!
2 comments:
I always enjoy your ramblings, because they're like reading the thoughts in my head :)
I feel your pain. It is hard... especially with little ones. I am scared because I feel so exhausted and my baby isn't even here yet. How did our moms have so many kids? We can only do so much with the time we have with our kids each day while still doing all else that is required of us. I know we are doing our best but it is hard!!
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